When a friend or family member has lost a loved one, it can be difficult to know what to say when their grief is still very fresh. You’ll naturally want them to know you’re thinking of them and to pass on your condolences, but you may also want to respect their privacy and avoid feeling like you’re intruding.
For this reason, many people choose to send a text message as their initial expression of sympathy. While some may feel this is a little impersonal, it can actually be the ideal way to reach out in this situation. A phone call or in-person visit may seem more personal, but in the early days of grief, it is not always welcome, as the bereaved may not yet feel ready to speak or see anyone.
In this article, we look at what you can say in a text message when someone has lost a loved one.
Send a short message of sympathy
Send a short message to acknowledge their loss and offer your condolences. Let them know you’re thinking of them and that you care. It can also help to add a note saying there is no need to reply, as you understand they may be busy and experiencing a range of emotions. This avoids putting unnecessary pressure on them to respond, which they will likely appreciate.
Offer support with no pressure
You may also want to offer your support, whether that’s meeting for a coffee, being a listening ear, or helping with arrangements. Let them know you’re there for them and happy to help, but that there is absolutely no pressure to take you up on the offer. This reassures them that support or company is available whenever they may need it.
What to avoid saying
Try to avoid clichés, as they are rarely helpful. Phrases such as ‘at least they’re at peace now’, while intended to be comforting, can sometimes feel upsetting to someone who is grieving.
Instead, acknowledge their loss without trying to minimise it, even if the death was expected or the person who passed away was elderly. Focus on the bereaved person and what the loss means to them.
Check in again after a week or two
After your initial message, it can be thoughtful to check in again a week or two later to let them know you’re still thinking of them and to gently repeat your offer of support. This can be especially appreciated once the initial shock has passed.
The first few days of grief can feel overwhelming, and it may seem as though life will never return to normal. However, something as simple as meeting up for a coffee and a chat can make a real difference when they feel ready.
Have you lost a loved one?
If you’ve lost a loved one and are beginning to plan their funeral, you don’t have to do it alone. Fiesta Farewell is a digital platform, designed to make planning a funeral or celebration of life as stress-free as possible.
Have a look at our helpful articles for support, or look through our directory to find trusted funeral providers near you.